


Night Outing

by dramatic owl (snarky_panda)



Category: Quantum Leap
Genre: Backstory, Behind the Scenes, Female Friendship, Gen, Minor Character(s), Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29873481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarky_panda/pseuds/dramatic%20owl
Summary: Donna and Verbena have a talk after Sam's leap into Katie McBain's life.
Kudos: 4
Collections: Gen Prompt Bingo Round 19, Ladies Bingo 2020





	Night Outing

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the ladiesbingo prompt: dusk and the genprompt_bingo prompt: dread.
> 
> Content note: Non-graphic references to the episode ‘Raped’ and discussion of the subject.

“I stopped being afraid of the dark when I was seven.”

Even on campus at an all-women’s college, Donna had been wary walking around at night, but it wasn’t the dark she was afraid of, not really. Anyway, Katie McBain hadn’t been walking around on campus or along a street, nor had she been alone that night. She’d been with someone she knew.

Near misses flashed through her mind, incidents in her own life that could’ve gone another way entirely if the man had been different, if he’d chosen not to finally listen to her. She stared up at the night sky, took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and focused on the stars, finding and naming in her mind each constellation that was visible.

“Maybe I was eight already,” she continued pensively after a long while, picking up the thread she’d lost. “My father left us when I was seven, so it was probably after I turned eight.”

He left for good a couple of weeks after Christmas and the fear came shortly after that. She remembered the dread that settled in the pit of her stomach and made her nauseous every afternoon when the sun began to go down.

“I could viscerally feel the shift in the angle of the sunlight in my body, and I knew daylight would be gone soon. It got worse as the evening wore on, the anxiety, the dread. Then I’d make it to the next morning and feel okay again. Until the late afternoon of course.”

“And now you fearlessly sit out in the middle of nowhere alone when it’s dark,” Verbena added for her.

“I love it out here. And it’s not like there’s anyone around to bother me.”

“Just snakes and coyotes.”

“Never seen or heard one yet.”

She absently wrapped her arms around her chest, hugging herself. It was worth putting up with the bone-deep desert cold to escape and enjoy the spectacular view. Out here, with nothing around and no artificial light at all, where even the brilliant electric blue light of Project Quantum Leap couldn’t touch her, she could see every star.

“It is an amazing view,” Bena grudgingly admitted. “Too bad it’s so damn cold.”

Donna turned to her with an apologetic smile. She knew Bena had only agreed to accompany her on her night trip because she was hoping to get her to ‘talk about things.’ Now they sat together on the hood of her car with their legs dangled over the front grille. Bena frowned at her, pulled her hood up, and stuffed her gloved hands into her jacket pockets.

“I know you grew up in the south, Bena, but didn’t all your time at M.I.T. acclimate you to cold weather at all?” she teased lightly.

Bena’s initial answer was a non-committal grunt, but then, in her usual deft way, she turned the conversation right back to where she wanted it to go.

“So, were you able to sleep at night in those days?”

It was Donna’s turn to grimace unhappily at her friend. As head psychiatrist on the project, it was part of Bena’s job to keep tabs on the staff members’ mental health and well-being, and intervene where necessary. Some of Sam’s leaps back in time were especially grueling and they affected everyone working behind the scenes, too. But they’d been friends first, and though Bena was generally good at setting clear boundaries and respecting them, sometimes Donna grew uncomfortable, even annoyed when she switched into shrink mode with her.

Anyway, she didn’t really like to talk about the leaps.

“Eventually,” she conceded, “but I lay awake for a long time with the covers pulled over my head.”

“And your feet tucked in all the way so the monster under the bed couldn’t snatch your toes.”

“Exactly,” Donna agreed and laughed softly. “Any exposed limb was fair game.”

“But at some point you stopped being afraid.”

“One morning my mother came in while I was still asleep and found me like that. With the blanket covering my face.”

It was a Saturday, so she didn’t have to get up for school that day. The creak of the bed frame and the sudden weight on the side of the bed woke her. A moment later she heard a chuckle, then Mama tugged the blanket off, tucked it below her chin, and asked her why she was hiding her pretty little face under the covers.

“I couldn’t tell her. I didn’t want her to know I was scared.”

“Why?”

Donna shrugged. “She was so worried and stressed all the time after he was gone, about everything. I could always tell, even when she tried to cover it up. I didn’t want to add to that. And I wanted to be grown up, I guess. She figured it out anyway. I didn’t need to tell her.”

That afternoon they moved her bed from the middle of the room, pushing it longways against the wall on the far side of the room. There were windows along that wall, and later, when it was her bedtime, they sat snuggled together on the bed, looking out, and Mama pointed out the North Star and explained how to identify it.

“Mama was interested in the sciences, especially astronomy, but she never made a career out of it.”

“Did she try?”

“I don’t know. If she did she never told me. And she seemed to like being a French teacher. But she was always very supportive of my interest in it. Anyway, after that day, we spent a little while every night looking at the stars and I started to learn the names of them all. We probably only spent about fifteen minutes or so doing it, and then she tucked me into bed and shut the light on her way out. But it was okay, because I could still look out the window.”

“And you weren’t afraid anymore.”

“I even began to look forward to it.”

“What made you think of that now?”

Donna half-sighed and half-groaned in exasperation.

“You know I had to ask.”

“The leap probably did make me think of it for whatever reason.” Donna irritably dug her fingers into her thighs. “It’s not the same, though. Not exactly. I mean, it’s not about the dark.”

She shifted and reclined all the way back on her elbows so her back almost touched the windshield, and stared up at the sky, brooding for a long while. Something still ate at her, but she couldn’t put her finger on what it was exactly. Sam _had_ managed to fix things in his leap into Katie McBain. There were certain things he hadn’t been able to change, but he’d prevented a second incident and gained Katie the justice she’d failed to get in the original history. That was all good. And yet something about it unsettled her. She’d been antsy ever since Sam had leaped out of Katie’s life.

“I guess maybe it is about fear and what-could’ve-happeneds, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

Donna sighed again and focused on the sky, locating the North Star and keeping her eyes on it.

“Plus, Sam’s actions might’ve made things worse,” Bena continued quietly. “He was lucky. _Katie_ was lucky he didn’t screw things up.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he reacted like a man, like a tall man with muscle who could defend himself against another man, and overpower him. He beat Kevin up, and in some ways it was vindicating to see it. But that’s not something a woman would instinctively do, unless she was trained for combat. And even then. And he did it _as_ Katie. Things could’ve really gone even worse for her because of that.”

_Oh._

That was it.

“Especially if the color of her skin was different,” Bena added, almost under her breath. “I mean, it was self-defense, but she might’ve been charged with assault, and it all would’ve been very murky and hard to prove. No one else was there, so it would’ve been her word against his.”

“And that didn’t go too well for her the first time.”

“No, it didn’t.”

Donna studied her closely. Bena was always busy looking after other people, but the leaps affected her, too.

”Are _you_ okay, Bena?”

She flashed her a grateful smile. “Yeah, I am. How about you?”

“Yeah, I am. You know, Sam always means well, but he’s clueless sometimes, and he really doesn’t think about the potential consequences.” Consequences that impacted her life, too, but she didn’t want to even think about that. “Anyway, thanks, Bena.”

“For what?”

“For naming it.”

Bena grinned at her. “Glad I could help.”

Donna smiled back. “We can go back to the project now if you want. I know you’re cold.”

“I can stand it out here a little longer if you can. It is a stunning view.”

“Well, I come out here every night I can. You can join me anytime.”

“Maybe I will. But during the summer.”


End file.
